How do we develop self love and self worth?

We hear so many people tell us we need to love ourselves and have self worth, but what does that look like and how do we get there?

Let me tell you a story…

In late 2018 I had an old back injury that literally destroyed my physical ability to teach. I worked myself to a point of no return. My passion for teaching and my leadership role kept me working till the bitter end of my physical ability, but for what?

Since then, I have, and continue to, live in chronic pain. I have been through two surgeries on my lower spine and am now 4 weeks post spinal fusion and am hopeful for a good strong recovery.

In the last 18 months, I have had to find strength I never knew I had. I have had to learn to enjoy my own company. Perhaps most significantly, I have had to find peace in the fact that my life has done a 360 degree turn, no longer allowing me to do the two things I enjoy most in life…. teach and dance. (I’m not talking fancy dance, just creative expression, my emotional outlet, you know, the good old dance party in the lounge!) I was no longer able to do the two things that brought me the most joy in my life.

I had to develop self worth as my ‘self’ literally changed over night and I had a new self to find love for.

So, what did I do?

After 2 weeks of serious depression, literally counting down, not days or hours but minutes, just to get through the days, I knew deep in myself that I was the only one that could help me. Only I could help myself out of this.

But how? What am I going to do?

We talk about Angel’s…. I was given this book of quotes, ‘Be Strong’ in a gift basket from my work colleagues.

“You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have”

–Bob Marley

This was the start.

I read every quote, many times over. They made me think. They helped me realise the sun comes up tomorrow and I might think it’s bad now but I could actually be so much worse off. I still had my active, passionate, knowledgable mind, my kind heart and my soul.

I bought some mindfulness magazines… ‘Flow’, ‘Mindful with Nadia Lim’, ‘Breathe’ and ‘Frankie’. Not all at once of course… they were a tad pricey on 80% of a teachers wage.

I read through and started vision boarding…. cutting out things that brought me joy, helped me feel strong. This gave me something positive and happy to focus on.

I spent time in nature, because, lets face it, nature is healing. I couldn’t go far, so the back yard, was it. Listening to the birds, looking at the trees up close, picking greenery and the odd flower to bring inside, smelling the fresh air and feeling the grass beneath my feet. I just spent time outside, breathing, finding presence and peace. I lay in my hammock and I took photos of nature’s beauty. All these things brought me joy.

As time got on and I became content being in my own company, fighting this battle as the only one who actually knew what I was going through, managing to get through the days, hopeful things would get better, I had to start thinking about my future.

What does my future look like? I can’t go back to teaching children. My body is too precious. But I have 18+ years of experience and passion I’m not going to let go to waste.

So I started dreaming, planning, writing and visualising opportunities. This kept me focused on my future and what I have to fight for.

I fought. I fought through this time and I continue to do so. This journey is not yet over. But I have found love for myself, peace in that my life has yet so much more to offer and strength knowing that I have so much to give.

It is so true, you dont know what you’ve got until it’s gone. For me… it was my physical ability to move, without pain and with freedom.

“I’m thankful for my struggle because without it I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength”.

–Alex Elle

Alex Elle captures it. I am so thankful for this experience because I wouldn’t be half the person I am today without this learning journey.

I am the best me I have been in the 35 years of my existence. I may be living in chronic pain, but my mind and heart are stronger than ever. And I did it! All by myself! Pain and all, my mind is strong.