Archive | March 2020

Covid19 Isolation toolkit

Mar19

This is a strange time for us all. Add the challenge of being at home with the children day in, day out, indefinitely. Below are some FREE ideas for at home activities to do together with your child/ren while in isolation. Most importantly, enjoy each others company. Use this time to connect. You dont have to ‘play’ all day, but, be sure to make time to connect with your child so they have a full ‘love bank’ and therefore don’t seek connection with you all-day-long. When you give them pockets of your undivided time, you fuel their soul to then be able to go and do something alone. If you forever ‘rob’ them of this, they will seek connection from you for what seems like ALL day, EVERY day.

NATURE IS THE BEST PLAYGROUND!

Go outside, no matter the weather.
Rain, hail or snow… dress for the weather and get out in it. Feel it, taste it, explore it.

Walk in the neighbourhood, notice the trees, the numbers on letter boxes and look at the clouds.
Go for a Bush walk – listen to the birds, look closely at the ground, what wildlife can you see? Are there bugs under the dirt?
Go to the beach and collect treasures.

Go on an outside ‘treasure hunt’ – pine cones, gum nuts, pumice, stones, shells, sticks – take it home and play – look closely at the treasure, sort them, create pictures with them, build with them, use them to create art. When done, return them back to nature.

Create a fairy garden
Buy a magnifying glass and go out and explore nature up close. Rummage through the top layers of soil, look close up at a tree.

Plant some flower seeds, nurture then and watch them grow.
Pick daisies.


Make a sensory vase with sweets from the garden – even if only greenery… bring nature inside.
Learn the art of weaving harekeke/flax.

THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO DO!

Play…. let the child lead the play. “Tell me what you want me to do”. Or, simply follow their lead.

Play dress ups
Do some baking together… lick the bowl and spoon
Make pizzas.
Prepare meals together.

Build huts inside with furniture and sheets… Sit inside and tell imaginative stories, read books, puzzle, eat, sleep.
Laugh
Draw pictures of each other

Draw pictures of yourself while sitting in front of the mirror
Make junk creations
DANCE
Play hide and seek
Tell imaginative stories
Have a long bath
Learn a new craft

Read books.
Do puzzles together.
Make a band… using kitchenware and nature! Hot tip: Wood, nature and plastics make softer sounds
Wash the car.
Write letters and draw pictures to send to family and friends.
Do YOGA together

This is a strange time for all of us. Ultimately, we need to look after ourselves and our families first. Remember what is important. Time.

Children sense our feelings. They pick up what we put down. So, Keep clean, keep calm, and keep positive. We have so much to be grateful for. Find joy in having the opportunity to spend this time together.

Make new memories.

For more, see Covid 19 – The challenge is set for us to rise above!

Wishing you well.

Stay Healthy, Stay Strong.
Kia kaha. Stand Tall.

Arohanui, much love.

Empowering our Young Children

Mar18

When I talk about young children, I’m talking typically aged 3-6years.

This is the stage where children learn about toileting and therefore dressing and undressing themselves. This is the stage where children start learning about taking care of their things and taking care of themselves. It is at this stage children start to take ownership of and pride in their belongings. They begin to develop a sense of self worth. We want to encourage this. So ultimately, all of our actions and interactions should empower independence.

We all know that this is not the stage where learning to read and write overrules, because that time will come when they get to school.

This is the stage where we foster imagination, self confidence, problem solving, resilience, self help, negotiation and kindness. Children will naturally show interest in writing their name on their artworks or noticing letters from their name in books or the playground. We can certainly extend on this, but it should not be our focus. Our focus is on growing resilient, curious, confident and kind communicators.

How do we do this??
It is all in how we act and interact.

FOSTERING SELF CARE
When a child asks “where are my shoes?” Or “I cant find my lunchbox”.
… DO NOT go and ‘find it for them. Encourage independence and foster empowerment. My typical response, in a kind manner, is… “I’m not sure, I havent been wearing your shoes 🤷‍♀️”.
Not to be funny, but to make them think.

As soon as we start ‘finding’ things for them, they will FOREVER expect you to do everything for them. Pretend you cant. You are too busy. If they want something they will find it/get it themselves. This is not ‘mean’ this is encouraging the behaviour you want to see. Because let’s face it, you dont want to.raise lazy or demanding children that think the world literally revolves around them. You want independent and confident problem solvers… right?

‘I can’t put my shoes on”
… dont do it for them…. show them. Take 5 minutes to teach them. Then next time, you will do less than the time before.

FOSTERING LEARNING THROUGH PLAY
When it comes to play, childrens work, allow them uninterrupted time and space, stay out of their play.

Allow children the opportunity to get fully engrossed in their play, game and conversations, without adults intervening with their unnecessary ‘truths’. By truths, I’m talking about adult beliefs, understandings, ideas and opinions. This is the ultimate way to squash the play and stop the learning.

I will never forget the day… I had 2, 4yr old girls sitting at the table eating lunch. One picked up a small block of wood and started ‘swiping’ across it. She said “this is my IPad“. Her friend picked a marmite sandwich from her lunch box and put it on her eye, she said “this is my Eye Pad”.

Each of these girls had a different truth based on their home life and upbringing. One child clearly had her very own IPad, when the other had no idea what her friend was even talking about. She had her own understanding of an eye pad. … so, was it important for me to jump in and explain to the sandwich girl what an IPad is and ultimately squash her concept of an eye pad? No. What benefit would that have? This girl was using her imagination and problem solving. Far more significant learning than what I could have given. It is more beneficial for us as adults to bite our tongue and keep our opinions, knowledge and ‘truths’ to ourselves and just allow the learning to unfold, meaningfully.

    “Be careful what you teach,
    it might I interfere with what they are learning”
    -Magda Gerber

Here’s another story…
3yr old boy looks over at the hills and points, “look, there’s smoke up in the hills, they caught a pig, yeah, they sent the dogs out and they caught a pig. Now they are cooking it, singeing it, for their dinner”.

This boy was using his imagination, he was relating his prior knowledge to this moment and he was sharing what he knew, with me. If I then turned around and told him this was fog, I would have squashed all of that and shown him his voice is not valid.
He is not going to be 20 years old and not understand ‘fog’. This was not the learning that needed to come right now. It was far more important right now, for this child to make sense of his learning, use his imagination and have his voice heard and validated.

    “When you teach a child something,  you take away forever, his chance of discovering it themselves.”

    -Jean Piaget

If a ‘stick’ can be a wand, a guitar, a shovel, a horse, a gun, a microphone,  a fishing rod, a spoon or even a ski pole,
How do you know what it is for that child in that moment?
And who are we to squash that play and say its ‘just a stick’?

FOSTERING SOCIAL COMPETENCE
Adults should only be involved in childrens’ play when we are invited, like the above story, where the boy was teaching me about pig hunting, or if someone is going to get hurt. And then, only then, we intervene, and in a manner to empower, right?

In conflict situations, we must encourage communication, problem solving and negotiation, because these are skills we need in later life.
When you approach, with the invitation gesture, you can simply say “I won’t let you hurt”. Followed with “what is happening here?”

It is not up to us to solve their problems. Avoid telling them what words to use or assuming what has happened.
Remind them to let each other talk and to listen. Allow them the opportunity to think. You can then prompt “what can we do about it?” (Because remember, we are not here to solve their problems).

Group learning situations can be a challenge for adults but they are so beneficial for childrens learning. Be sure to listen and validate.
You don’t need to be the one that ‘rights the wrong’ and solves their arguements… or they will forever scream, cry or hurt others to resolve their conflicts. They need us to empower them, by encouraging them to solve their own conflicts, because, nothing is resolved by reacting, and we all know an adult is going to take sides… too often the wrong ‘side’.
Remind them, to “Talk to each other”. Empower them, encourage them to do the thinking. Because they are so capable when we just give them the chance!

Remember, nature is the best playground for all of this learning to occur.

    “In nature, a child finds freedom, fantasy and privacy. A place distant from the adult world, a separate place.”
    -Richard Louv

I will work on a post about ‘Fostering a connection with nature‘. Be sure to check in so you dont miss it.

I hope you are enjoying my blog.

Nga mihi nui,
Nickie

Happy days with Toddlers

Mar13

The term ‘terrible twos’ makes me cringe. If you see this stage as that, that is exactly what it will be. Or, you can change your attitude and view children in this stage as curious, energetic and joyful.

This is one of those stages where we MUST change our attitude

Its time to change our attitude

Toddlers go through a big change in emotional and physical development as they learn to walk, talk, and find their place in this world. They are curious, gaining understanding of the world around them, how things work, routines and expectations and joy for life.

PREPARE
Toddlers are busy explorers who want to touch, feel and tuttoo as they learn through their senses.
So how do we manage this learning? We need to prepare the environment in a way that enables them to play out their urges without leaving the adults/teachers feeling overwhelmed and frustrated.

The tipping and transportation urges are often extreme in the toddler stage, so, to manage this, fill your environment with larger objects (pinecones, pumice, large shells boxes/containers, blocks, toy cars) baskets, bags and trolleys.

It is our role to support them in their learning and enable them to play out their urges. The more we plan the environment to allow children to fulfill their play urges, the sooner they will move/work through the urge. The more we try to stop it, the more they will do it, it’s an urge and they need to fulfill it. This is where the frustration comes for the adults.

Pennie Brownlee has written an article titled ‘Something made me do it’. You can find it at https://penniebrownlee.weebly.com/articles.html

Brownlee delves deeper into play urges in her fabulous book titled ‘The Sacred Urge to Play’. Check it out. This book is a necessary read for anyone working with or caring for children.

Both of these readings will change your perspective as they help you understand the makings of a harmonious play space.

PLAY
As well as creating an environment to foster childrens play urges, we need to prepare the environment with spaces for a variety of play experiences. Through play, they make sense of their world.

As I mentioned, toddlers are learning through their senses. Take them outside. Nature will work and stimulate ALL senses. Children cannot bounce off the walls if there are no walls.

Provide a space where they can dig, climb, roll and jump… Trees, sandpit, mud/dirt, boxes etc.

Family play – cooking, cleaning (dustpan and brush), dress ups.

Trolleys and balls are also great resources for learning, however, it is important to have plenty. 3 won’t cut it when you have 10 children in your space.

Yes, children need to learn to ‘take turns’ but this doesn’t happen in the toddler stage.

‘You can have a turn when I’m finished‘ is a kind way to encourage social learning. Everyone deserves the right to complete their turn with anything. And, we need to trUst that the child WILL finish. It is then, that someone else can have a turn. Please respect this.
If we make a big deal of it, the child is only going to want it for longer, because remember, ‘where the attention goes, the behaviour grows’.

CONFLICT RESOLUTION
Toddlers will often have challenges and conflict in their play.
We foster empowerment by allowing children time to work through their struggles, frustrations and ‘learning moments’. Trust that your child is capable of doing so, because you have been feeding them the tools to work through these. They can do it! This is learning!

Often disagreements happen over objects at this age. The only time we need to step in is if someone is going to get hurt.
Therefore, Observation and presence are key when toddlers are playing socially.

Toddlers haven’t learnt about social cues nor do they have the language to express their wants and needs. Often this can result in physical harm such as hitting, kicking and biting.

Behaviours sent to challenge us

If things get violent, approach calmly and offer your help, without assumption ‘can I help you?’ We can support them with the words ‘you can have a turn when I’m finished’.
Sign language is great for bringing calm and reassuring – ‘kind hands’, ‘hurt’, ‘finished’.

COMMUNICATION IS KEY
Just imagine you are busy working on something, a craft project or baking a cake, and someone comes and tells you it’s time to go to the toilet, or to the shops. You have to drop everything and go. Your glue will set or your mixture will go glat. Tough. It’s time to go.

How would you feel?

So, the key is to be respectful and communicate.

It all comes down to communication, fairness and respect. Would you want to be whisked away?

Inform the child a routine, ritual or transition is about to occur.
‘2 minutes’ is a good way. Showing 2 fingers.
Then you go back, ‘1 minute’
Then finally ‘it is time to ….’.

The child has had warning. They have been able to complete their play or get it to a point where they are happy to leave it and come back to it later.
As the adult, it is important to choose your timing for how long each ‘minute’ takes. Observe the child, know when it is a fair time, choose your battles. If they are fully engrossed in what they are doing, make it a long minute. If they look like they are ready to move on to the next thing, make it a very short minute…make the most of the natural breaks in their play. Be smart about it. Observe and notice what they are doing. Know when to approach for best results.

If, when you tell them after the warnings, that it is time to go (or when you need them to do something that you have told them will be happening in 2 minutes, because warnings are so important), and they defy, you simply give them choices.

Choices are so valuable. They help the child feel like they are in control.
Only ever 2 choices. If you are needing them to do something (nappy change, brush teeth, get dress or get in the car) you simply give them the choice of ‘by yourself or with my help?’
Either way, they are coming.
Or you give a choice of ‘are you going to wear the red socks or the blue socks?’ Either way, they are wearing the socks.
You see?
Yet they feel power in the situation because it is ultimately their choice.

Either choice is a good choice. Remember you gave them the choice. So dont offer a choice you are not ok with. Dont ridicule them for choosing that they want your help. You gave them the choice, so whichever choice is a good one. Regardless, the ‘job’will be done.

So often, tantrums occur because we haven’t communicated clearly.
It is important to keep words to a minimum and repeat the same sentence/choices/wording consistently. Use the same words. If they dont respond the first time, avoid ‘glorifying’ with more words or rephrasing. just repeat what you said the first time, in the same kind tone. As soon as you change your wording you are showing there is leniency in your expectations. Keep it consistent. If they ask for an alternative choice, you simply respond with the first two choices you gave them. This teaches the child to trust your word, your expectations and know what you say is how it is.
Tone is so important here. Use a kind tone in all of this. They are not in trouble.
Defiancy only happens when we disrespect and treat them without kindness. Remember, kindness is key!

INVITATION GESTURE
Invitation is a great strategy for bringing calm, communicating and respecting a childs space.

Pennie Brownlee talks about the invitation gesture.
Please take the time to check out her explanation at https://penniebrownlee.weebly.com/articles.html article titled ‘Will you, won’t you”.

The invitation gesture is so powerful!
In my 18+ years of teaching, this has been perhaps one of my MOST VALUABLE and effective learnings.

Since implementing ‘invitation’ and showing patience while I allow children the time to respond, I have found relationships strengthen far quicker than without. Trust is formed and their voice is valued. It is empowering to see that children ACTUALLY know what they want and need and when they are ready they will respond. This tool can be used for children of all ages. There is less confrontation as they get older as we continue to use it, toddlers respond particularly well to being given time and space to respond, when THEY are ready!

“Show me when you’re ready” is a great way to allow them to feel they have a choice in the matter.

“Show me when you’re ready”
… for me to change your nappy, to brush your teeth, to put your shoes on.
Sitting with your hands open, inviting them, shows them you are waiting. Children want to please. They want to make you happy. While you wait, in a calm, patient manner, using the invitation gesture, they WILL come! Try it!

If a child is hurt, I would ask ‘can I help you?’ And invite them in.
Just woken from their sleep? ‘Would you like a hug?’ With invitation gesture.

It is NOT OK for us to ‘assume’a child wants a hug or to be picked up. Please ask them first, using the invitation gesture.

Respect fosters respect.
Kindness attracts kindness.
Communication promotes communication.

For years we have under valued the ability and understanding children have, from birth!
We just need to communicate clearly and with kindness. Empower our children. Believe in them and allow them the freedom to choose.

Here’s to happy days with our toddlers!

If there is something I haven’t covered, or an area you would like more support with, let me know in the comments section below.

Nga mihi nui
Nickie

Raising infants

Mar9

Infants are precious, curious and they crave connection. Raising an infant is about presence – head, heart and hands. Go slow, be patient, listen and observe.

CARE ROUTINES
Care routines are the most crucial times for connection. Care routines create opportunities to build your relationship and connect with the child, one on one, face to face. It is during these times we must be fully present. Turn your mind off. Now is not the time to be thinking about what’s for dinner, where you are going on the weekend or your latest Instagram post. Feeding a bottle, changing a nappy or putting in to bed…. your focus should be FULLY on the child. Be present, listen, talk smile and interact. Be with the child, fully.

    “When you hold an infant, hold him not just with your body, but with your mind and heart”

    – Magda Gerber

COMMUNICATION
Care routines are the time to communicate and connect. Sign language is a great way to foster communication and understanding.

Sign language promotes connection and understanding and is a great way to foster communication. There is a myth that using sign language can hold children back from speaking, but it is actually the opposite. You say the words as you sign, there is a connection made, the child understands what you are asking and they can then respond.

Start with simple relevant signs such as ‘bottle/milk’, ‘sleep’ and ‘nappy’.
When you have these sorted, you can go on to learn more signs such as ‘more’, ‘finished’, ‘food’, ‘drink’ and ‘hurt’.

I recommend this book on Baby Sign by Karyn Warburton. Simple illustrations and a helpful index. You could also use New Zealand Sign Language for the same effect.

There is nothing more powerful than when an infant can ask what they want before they can actually speak verbally. This will help you, and others, connect and understand the child. It’s such a great tool. Learn a sign language that is right for you and your family and use it consistently.

BEING CONSISTENT
When it comes to routines and rituals, it is important to think about your expectations for this child at 6months, 12months and 2 years down the track. What you do now has an impact on their expectations from you and other adults later. The ability to self settle is empowering. Teaching this and believing in the expectation will set them up for positive sleep patterns later. Particularly important for children who will be cared for by others.
Be consistent, be present and be strong. ‘Baby Wise’ by Robert Bucknam and Garry Ezzo, has some great tips for teaching self settling. Do what you mean to continue, trust in the ability of the child and through your interactions and expectations, foster indepedence and empowerment.

PLAY TIME
A childs play time is a time for the child to learn, explore, and just be. Allow them the space to do so. You fill them with connection and communication during their care routines, and let’s face it that happens consistently through the day, but their brain also needs this time for free, uninterrupted play. Play time is not when we get in their space, solve their problems, share our opinion and feed them with irrelevant mumbo jumbo – ‘baby talk’, ‘hot air’ or talking just to break silence. This is when their space should be totally respected as they take ownership of their learning, at their own pace. Allow them the opportunity to explore their own body, how it moves, its strength, its ability. Let them be. Stop fussing. Please!
Challenge yourself to sit back and watch. Allow them to work through their frustrations. Give them the space and freedom to explore their body and its abilities. Bite your tongue if you have to.

    “Observe more, do less”

    – Pennie Brownlee.

Check out Pennies article titled ‘Ego and the baby’ @ https://penniebrownlee.weebly.com/articles.html

    “What is important is that we learn what is essential. What is essential is to observe… then you will respond in the right way”.
    – Dr. Emmi Pikler

LEARNING EXPERIENCES
There will be times where infants seek connection when not at a care routine, where they won’t settle in to their space of play. Be sure to think before you speak and keep these interactions meaningful.
Here are some simple connection experiences for you…

    Sit together in the grass. Notice the smell, listen to the sounds, feel the grass and watch the trees.

    Give your child a Foot massage… you can talk about their toes, feet, legs. Move their legs, work their muscles and allow them to feel their body.

    Provide different materials for sensory exploration – fur, wool, silk, wood, cotton. You can talk with them about how these feel, or simply watch how the child responds to each one.

    Lay on the floor with them and read a book or tell an imaginative story.

    Play a variety of world music and watch their response. Explore rhythm with some instruments.

    Lay/stand a mirror so the child can look at their reflection, their face features and the way their body is moving. Lay alongside then so they can see you in there too. Hours or fun and learning.

    Do yoga where they can see you.

    “An infant always learns. The less we interfere with the natural process of learning,  the more we can observe how much infants learn all the time.”

    – Pennie Brownlee