I was asked to share an “Insiders perspective to those tearful drop offs to preschool/ ece”.

 

Before ‘starting’ preschool, please, chose wisely. Do your research. Visit centers. Talk to other mums. Read their philosophy and spend time in there before you make the final call. Dont just choose that centre because they have lower fees.

 

First child, first timers, first transition…  this can be tough on both child and parent!

I want you to put yourself in your childs shoes for a minute. They have no concept of what this place is, its benefits, the people, the sounds, the rules, the way the teachers talk, even the concept of being ‘dropped off and picked up later’.

A robust transition is crucial!  Take time to visit with your child.  Visit. Lots. This time allows you and your child to grasp the sounds, the routines, the way of life in this space, the expectations, the people, the feel.  Visit at different times during the day.  When your child shows confidence to move away from you to play, or forms a connection with another child or teacher, work towards leaving for an hour, go treat yourself to a coffee and a tasty treat.

 

The First day

The first official day can be tough, on both of you. The build up can be scary. Try to stay calm as your child will feel your tension.

Talk to your child about going to play in this space, making new friends and doing things they enjoy.

It is important to show your strength and trust in this space, as your child will be gauging off you and sensing your emotions. Your child needs to know you have made a good decision, because you trust the place and people in this space. If you dont show and believe this, your child definitely won’t. Stay strong. You can cry all you need when you get to the car.

When you arrive on ‘official day one’, sign your child in, drop off their bag and lunchbox etc, say hello to teachers and children as you pass by and ask your child if they would like to ….. or ….. (2 choices).

Choices are great because they allow the child to feel they have power in the situation. These choices need to be things the child is ‘allowed’ to do at this time (dont suggest playing outside if the doors are closed and there is no teacher out there). These choices also need to be 2 things you know they like or are interested in.  You know your child and you are doing what you can to help them settle in for a positive day.

As soon as your child chooses, you can tell them you will stay for 5 minutes, show them 5 on your hand.
Then, when you feel they are in a good space, or if things are getting emotional and anticipation is building, you follow with “2 more minutes and then mum is going to go do her work” – show 2 on your hand (fingers).

Your child will then understand time is nearing. At this point if your child is not engrossed in something, you can suggest they show you something, reads one book, or simply prompt them with something you know they enjoys “perhaps we can see who’s working in the sandpit”.

Your child cannot tell the time. The point here is you are showing time is getting less. You are the adult. If you see anticipation building, make the minutes very short. The minute concept is symbolic.

If you feel your child is going to kick off, when you give them the 2 minute warning, tell one of the teachers, who has made the best connection with your child, that you are going to go soon and could they support your child when you go.

Its valuable to have a consistent teacher (the same one) for settling your child. That way the approach will always be the same, you will form a bond with that teacher and you will have consistent feedback.

Soon after the 2 minute call, follow with  “1 more minute” show one finger.

…Shortly after the 1 minute call, “Its time for me  to go now. I will be back to pick you up soon.
Would you like a hug or high five?”

Please dont just ‘sneak away’. This is a shore fire way to make your child feel abandoned. You MUST  say goodbye and reassure your child that you will be back! ‘Mum always comes back’.

Then do it (high five or hug) say ‘see you soon’ and go. Short and sweet. Turn your back, hold your head high and walk out the gate. You can cry all you want in the car. Remember, you chose this place for your child. Have faith. Trust in your decision that your child is in good hands.

You can always call to check in. I advise you do so, particularly if your child was not happy when you left. Give it 30 minutes, then call. Ask questions. How is my child now? Have they settled? How long did it take? What is my child doing now?

If on any of these calls 30 mins after you leave, your child has not settled, you can ask ‘do you feel it would be best if I come back and collect my child?

If they say no that your child is calming, working through it, or in the process of settling, call an hour later.
If you ever call after a few hours and your child hasn’t settle and isn’t engrossed in play, go and collect them.

When you do this, it’s really valuable to spend time with your child in this setting, on pick up.
Show them you trust the space and they  will learn to trust it too.

 

Follow the same routine each day. Consistently. Kia kaha! Stay strong!  Things will ease as your child finds their place and starts to build relationships.

 

Find your calm so you can stand strong.

 

I hope this helps!

 

 

Tap the link below to read more about supporting children through transitions…

Supporting children & families through transitions

 

 

I invite you to leave comments and feedback below.

 

Much love,

Nickie